Re-thinking the Beauty Standard, How to Instill Positive Body Image Into Our Daughters
How do we not pass on our own body image issues and those that have been passed down from our own mothers and society, to our daughters? When will this cycle ever stop and how do we stop it? This is obviously a complicated issue but there are definitely some things we can do or not do that will help give your daughters the best chance of feeling good in her own skin. In order to do this though, we have to dig deeper into our own views related to the unrealistic beauty standard that surrounds us. When we are more aware of this, we can be mindful of the things we say and do that reinforce these unrealistic expectations. Keep in mind, while you may think you aren’t doing or saying these things directly in front of your kids, kids are often very observant and pick up on things we don’t realize.
FOCUS ON STRONGER NOT SMALLER
Lets be real, every woman has to deal with the beauty standard, which consciously and subconsciously impacts how we feel about ourselves. It’s heartbreaking we have to live under that pressure and more heartbreaking that our kids do too. It’s going to take a lot of intention to pass something else down to our daughters. You can’t change the world overnight, but you can change what happens in your own home. Start by challenging your own views of smallness or thinness as this end all be all goal. We all have different body types and you and also your child may have a smaller or bigger/curvier build. You want to make sure they’ve grown up in an environment where all body types are spoken of in a positive/normalized way, not just the thin ones so no matter what body type they have, they can feel good about it.
IT STARTS WITH THE WAY YOU TALK ABOUT YOURSELF
Do your kids overhear you making comments in passing to your partner or a friend like, “I shouldn’t have that cookie”, “I need to loose 5 lbs”, “My hips look huge in this dress”. Or do you look in the mirror or reflective source and body check your stomach? The point of this isn’t to shame you if you have done or said any of those things, you probably heard and saw similar things growing up and if not, have simply been on social media. When your daughter hears you complaining about your body, she wonders if others are thinking the same about her body, esp when she starts going through puberty and becomes more self conscious. No matter how much your praise her, tell her how beautiful she is just the way she is, she may take it in at the time, but wait for her body to change and she may start mimicking what she hears you doing with yourself. She may also not take it in at all because if you don’t like your own body, why would you like hers. If you don’t like your stomach, and her stomach starts changing, she may think there is something wrong with it, just like you think there is something wrong with yours.
STOP PRAISING WEIGHT LOSS
When I happen to notice someone in my life has lost weight, I almost never comment on it. The reason is because saying, “you look so good” can imply that they didn’t look good before. Also, loosing weight can mean a multitude of things. It can mean you are sick, stressed out, depressed or that you are eating differently/ exercising more. Because of the beauty standard, we usually assume losing weight is a good thing, and sometimes it is. But when our kids hear us complementing those around us for loosing weight, you are only reaffirming that smaller/thinner is better. When their body changes, they will have that template in their minds, smaller is better.
DITCH THE DIET TALK
If your kid or teen is regularly hearing about how one of their parents is needing to loose weight and trying many different ways to loose weight and change their body,, this will only reinforce the smaller is better mentality. Obviously for health reasons if weight loss is needed, you can make your own lifestyle changes while not broadcasting them around the house or to your friends when your kids are around.. You can also be moderate in your approach so that it isn’t obvious to your children. Extreme changes and diets don’t work anyway, but that is for another blog post!
Lastly, if you are reading this and feeling guilty for things you have already said or done in the past, please stop beating yourself up. Keep in mind, the diet industry is a billion dollar industry, it’s in a lot of people’s best interest to make you feel like crap about yourself so you spend money to “fix” yourself.” We have all been impacted by this, and we can become aware of the damage it’s doing to us and our kids at anytime and work harder to challenge it.
If you could use further support on this, please feel free to schedule a 15 min consult by emailing me at heatherallsbrook@gmail.com or calling at 562-822-6714.